and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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