Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Is it because I queefed?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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