I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
