I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
