Plan B is the new Plan A
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
