____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize