all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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