we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
