You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
they call him Oral-B. enough said
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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