well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
