Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
