dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize