She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
