Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
