I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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