what day is it and did you see me today?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He better not be in your backpack
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
