so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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