Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm sobbing to NWA
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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