Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
