My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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