Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
