dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
