i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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