Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Me too!
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
