These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
And then he peed in my hair
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