my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize