Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
