I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
