I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
