She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
