Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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