There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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