I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
