just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I said "one day" and that day is not today
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
