Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
