If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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