I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
