What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
