this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
