some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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