We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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