I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
