How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think I sprained my soul last night
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
