I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
No subtext here. People are naked.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
