i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
