Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
