I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
