lets start a swedish sibling band together
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
