im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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