My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
