can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
