She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
