Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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