just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
