Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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