when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
