Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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