i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
