I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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