He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
sarcasm needs its own font
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
