I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
