so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
