if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
