Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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