Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
