She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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