Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Text me some of your sweat
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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