You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
