I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
