farters have to be the big spoon...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
