using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
