Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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