My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
