You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
